Things no one tells you

Ok, so in this adventure called motherhood I've learned a few things, probably not as many as other moms who've been doing it longer, but here goes.  Your boobs may not go back to their normal size no matter what people say.  You will need a new bathing suit top, but count yourself lucky if you don't need new bottoms.  Whatever ideas you had of your maternity leave being a time where you can work on that banging mommy body forget it, because your child will wake up the minute you start and Zumba via the wii with your child is only so cool for so long.  Also, your child will not only have toe jam but finger jam as well, and if your baby is slightly chunky with some rolls you can expect both knee and arm pit jam as well.  I'm pretty sure I could feed a third world country with the amount of jam I've found  in between my sons crevices.  Do not make any plans they will be thrown asunder the moment they enter your head.  Plan to fly by the seat of your pants as soon as your wee one is happy go!! Because that happy baby can become unhappy at any moment, and be prepared to leave when that happens.  If you breast feed get used to having to feed anywhere whether it be an actual mothers lounge (so NICE!!), a toilet seat ( not so nice!), the back or front seat of a car, or in public by the pool under your cover.  The girls as we like to call them are no longer yours to make your favorite outfit look cute.  They exist solely to provide sustenance to your little person whenever they decide they need it.  There is not a one size fits all baby carrier, at least not for my little man. He fit great in the carrier as a newborn, not so much as a 3 almost 4 month old, his legs are to short, so be prepared to have multiples of things even if you think that's silly.