The fluffy cow dilemma

So, yesterday I had a moment of emotional turmoil. Noah was being cranky and weird about nursing, and I needed to go to the grocery store so I could attempt to be a wife and make dinner this week.  I also have been feeling very fluffy lately and the scale seems to agree with me.  Apparently like everything else in my life nursing is only going to get me so far in my weight loss story.  So, yesterday I was dirty cranky and fluffy, and due to my son being weird about nursing feeling like a cow.  So, I had a mini meltdown/cry fest on my way to Kroger, which then meant I had to pull myself together so I could shop.  I was also having a mini pity party at the fact that if Casey wants to leave the house he's free to do so.  Me, I have to watch the clock and hope I'm back before Noah has a meltdown, or Casey's at work and I'm doing it all by myself, all the feedings diapers and meltdowns.  And Noah loves to meltdown in the car Casey says to just let him cry however Casey hasn't seen one of Noah's full blown fits. He hasn't heard the blood curdling screams that lead to vomiting, or breath holding which startles him and starts everything all over. Needless to say its not pretty.  Now please don't think I don't love being a mom because I do, I just miss by myself time.  Casey I think has a hard time understanding because as of right now his life isn't as affected by Noah as much as mine is.  At least not yet lol.  However, on an up note I'm working on the feeling fluffy bit.  I'm trying to track calories and really trying to do some sort of workout everyday.  Yesterday Noah took a great nap and let me Zumba with the wii for 45 minutes!! It was great!  So, to end I'm not a perfect mom and I haven't reached the I love my new life stage yet, but I'm getting there.  I think my biggest problem is I hate being in charge having full responsibility for someone, it's one of the reasons why I decided to not be a nurse practitioner.  Making all those decisions and deciding a final diagnosis, what happens if I was wrong and then they got worse?  So yea I have issues what can I say? But I do love this little face I helped create.