It's not easy.... Being a mom

I always thought being a mom would be easy for me, that I would be a natural at all things mommyish.  I mean come on is been a nurse in a pediatric ER for 7 years before I decided to have kids, and people were always asking me did I have kids?  When I would reply no they would say but your so good with kids your gonna be a great mom one day.  Most of the jobs I've had throughout life have involved taking care of others peoples children.  I've done babysitting, nannying, and been a camp counselor to girls of all ages.  I loved it all of it!! My mom was a home daycare provider and she rocked it, and sometimes I helped and we made a kick ass team.  As evidenced by the fact no one died and very few of them bled, well except this one kid but we don't count him cause his nose would bleed if you looked at it wrong.  Then Casey and I got pregnant, and while I was not overly confident I knew that I could handle being a mom.  Then my son came early, my hormones raged and sleep was something to daydream about.  I fell apart in a nano second, everything I thought I could and would do right seemed to go so wrong.  My son was not this happy smiley baby who loved to be swaddled and sleep on his back, and just latched right away.  He was this jaundiced zombie who stunk at latching hated being swaddled and despised sleeping on his back!!  I spent the first six months just trying to stay above water!  Then things got easier he got easier and we developed a sort of flow, and I thought, "YES!! I am good at this".  Then today my son refused to nap for two straight hours, he had his milk, lunch clean diaper, snuggles and even an attempt to let him cry it out that resulted in a choking fit and a snot faced baby.  So I resorted to desperate measures I let the car put my child to sleep, I got a Starbucks, and then sat in my car in my garage and let him sleep.  Yet again thinking what in the world am I doing?? Then it dawned on me all these kids that I was sooo great with they weren't MY kid.  Kids that you see every now and again are easy,  you know their boundaries because their parents have given them to you.  But in this case I'm the parent, and it's up to me to figure out MY kid, and everyday is different.  So today he took a nap in the car I had a Starbucks and then we had a picnic in the middle of the kitchen, and it was good. 

A letter to my son for his first year

You've been one for a while now, but writing letters was never my strong part.  For that matter I've never been very good at putting into words how I feel, so here goes.  You are the most amazing blessing to this little family.  You fill our house with a noise that we never knew it was missing until you came along.  Your such fun, and everyone finds you to be so cute.  Even when your cranky and have done nothins but cry you still make me smile and laugh.  Your a chunker who  loves to eat, but you do not do sickness well just like your daddy.  You may look like me but you have your daddy's personality and temper.  I want so many things for your little life I have to remember to step back and appreciate the stage of life your in now.  Some days it's hard, I'm just so excited for what God has in store for you that I can hardly contain myself.  So many things to do and see with you sometimes our days aren't long enough.  I love you my bug and I pray that as we travel through life even in hard times you will always realize that. 

Mom

Noah's first birthday party!

Prepare to be overloaded with pictures people!! Noah's birthday went off with out a hitch.  Everyone had fun and no fights ensued which I was a little worried about.  I was so pleased with all the decorations and craftiness I was able to put into his party.  But the thing I was most proud of was his cake!!

The bug turns ONE

Noah turned one on February 11!! It's so amazing to think we have a one year old little boy.  A very active little boy who loves to talk, crawl, cruise, eat, and play with any type of ball he can find.  He's actually communicating now!! He points to things when he wants them and he says some words!  We'll parts of words he's become quite adept at imitating speech.  He's got the ee sound down pat.  It stands for things like please, keys, and cheese.  He loves walking while pushing his toy or really anything that moves and he loves of course walking while holding our hands.  He's is officially a milk in a cup boy!! No more breast milk, bottle or formula, this part was easier and harder than I thought it would be.  Easier in that weaning him wasn't as hard as I thought not was getting him to give up the bottle for just cups, harder in that leaving all that stuff behind meant leaving my little bitty baby behind and welcoming my big boy.  We're still working him not needing us to go to sleep, but I figure all things in time.  Noah is officially almost 22lb almost 31 in long with a 19 in head circumference.  

The beginning of the end

Tonight my son grew up just a tiny but right before my eyes.  I know he's being growing and changing since the day he was born, but it's been slowly quietly almost unobtrusive in a way.  Those gradual changes you know are there but are so easy to overlook.  Tonight, tonight change happened right in front of me, and while part of me was soo ready for that change the planner part of me was not.  I had a goal to breast feed my son for 12 months and if you asked anyone nothing was going to stop me.  Even pregnant I knew I was going to be able to breast feed period end of story.  For me there was no what if I can't there was only I will, and I did but it wasn't easy.  There are some who say breastfeeding is natural and easy, well I am not that person breastfeeding was hard and emotional and physically taxing.  There were days I hurt so bad I cried right along with my son.  Then there were days he and I hit it off found some sort of stride and went with it.  Our first two months my son was tight lipped and had a horrible latch and any bottle training was out the window because it messed up whatever decent latch he had.  Then he wouldn't take a bottle when it was time for me to go back to work. We then each fought off thrush and I nearly called it quits then.  For those wondering it's feels like tiny little needles stabbing you and then those needles traveling up through your veins.  Needless to say it was extremely painful, but I persevered and he and I continued on this journey to his one year birthday.  Over the months he and I have become extremely familiar with toilet seats and bathroom floors as I cannot nurse in public.  We've gone through the biting stage, and milk blisters that then became calluses. And now slowly but surely I've been weaning him as that one year mark approached, there were days I was so excited I was almost done being a moo cow as my husband and I call it.  But there are days like tonight when my son fell asleep with me rocking him not nursing him that I realized  my son doesn't need me anymore for something.  So, today marks the beginning of the end, my son growing up.

11/12's of a year!

The new year means our little bug is another month older!  Noah is officially 11 months old and the countdown to his one year party has officially begun! Noah can now go up and down the stairs loves climbing over and onto things including the dishwasher.  He still has no interest in walking or even standing by himself, but he loves cruising furniture and walking while holding your fingers.  Still only six teeth, but that doesn't hold him back were food is concerned.  He loves his food, still not so fond of vegetables, but I can put them in muffins and he gobbles them up so for now I'll take it.  He's down to only nursing at night for bed, and we are working in switching up his nighttime routine to wear we nurse first then change into pjs so he can fall asleep some other way than nursing or taking a bottle.  Noah's also had his first ear infection and allergic reaction as well.  Poor kid, he just can't catch a break, I just remind myself he's going to have a great immune system one day.

Christmas as a family!

So, it's snowing and Casey is at work, which means catch up on the blog time!! This year Christmas was spent as a family of three!  Such a difference between Christmas pregnant and Christmas with a little one.  Casey and I both worked Christmas Eve, but thankfully my parents were more than willing to come play with Noah.  Casey and I arrived home in time to start a Christmas tradition with Noah of reading the night before Christmas and then off to bed we all went.  Two hours later we were all up and that's how it went the rest of the night thanks to Noah and whatever was bothering him.  Needless to say Christmas came early and with a very grumpy 10 month old.  However, one morning nap later and he was much more willing to play with all the presents that littered our floor.  Casey and I learned a valuable lesson though, elves must make sure they have batteries and put Santas gifts together.  Our elves must be new because that did not happen.