The beginning of the end

Tonight my son grew up just a tiny but right before my eyes.  I know he's being growing and changing since the day he was born, but it's been slowly quietly almost unobtrusive in a way.  Those gradual changes you know are there but are so easy to overlook.  Tonight, tonight change happened right in front of me, and while part of me was soo ready for that change the planner part of me was not.  I had a goal to breast feed my son for 12 months and if you asked anyone nothing was going to stop me.  Even pregnant I knew I was going to be able to breast feed period end of story.  For me there was no what if I can't there was only I will, and I did but it wasn't easy.  There are some who say breastfeeding is natural and easy, well I am not that person breastfeeding was hard and emotional and physically taxing.  There were days I hurt so bad I cried right along with my son.  Then there were days he and I hit it off found some sort of stride and went with it.  Our first two months my son was tight lipped and had a horrible latch and any bottle training was out the window because it messed up whatever decent latch he had.  Then he wouldn't take a bottle when it was time for me to go back to work. We then each fought off thrush and I nearly called it quits then.  For those wondering it's feels like tiny little needles stabbing you and then those needles traveling up through your veins.  Needless to say it was extremely painful, but I persevered and he and I continued on this journey to his one year birthday.  Over the months he and I have become extremely familiar with toilet seats and bathroom floors as I cannot nurse in public.  We've gone through the biting stage, and milk blisters that then became calluses. And now slowly but surely I've been weaning him as that one year mark approached, there were days I was so excited I was almost done being a moo cow as my husband and I call it.  But there are days like tonight when my son fell asleep with me rocking him not nursing him that I realized  my son doesn't need me anymore for something.  So, today marks the beginning of the end, my son growing up.